when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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