My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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