When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
