No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
