My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
