Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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