it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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