I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
