Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize