You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
