I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
