i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
