I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
