Me too!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
