Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
