I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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