i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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