So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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