Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
