You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
In America we eat man semen.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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