I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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