McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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