please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
