I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
