Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize