It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
