so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
