Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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