You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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