btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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