im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
