goodnight i made you a song goodbye
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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