Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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