i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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