I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
