I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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