I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
