man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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