Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I will die if light touches me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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