the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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