you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
