You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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