some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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