You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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