If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm like, not good at living.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
