omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
