I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
