you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
