Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
