All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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