I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
