I accidentally had phone sex last night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
FUCK WHALES
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
