reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
