I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
