I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
