well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize