woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
