I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
