guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
