I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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