you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
