My hand turned me down
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
