did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
