also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Floor bacon is actually really good
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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