What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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