32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
