I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
