I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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