He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
