nut hugger
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
