she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
